The Pearce family of Chicago is always together happily. Pauline, her husband TJ, and their two young sons, Kendrick and Ari. Also in attendance for special get-togethers, or most days for that matter, is Maryellen Kandu, or “Mimi,” Kendrick’s birth mom.

When the Pearces adopted Kendrick, they went the route of open adoption, which generally consists of varying degrees of communication exchanges over the years. But after seeing Maryellen about once a month for the first year of Kendrick’s life, Pauline and Maryellen developed a friendship.

Triple the Love! The Gift of Open Adoption

I am an adoptive mom and an open adoption pioneer. In 1993 when my husband and I decided to adopt a baby, we signed up with an agency that was practicing a new kind of adoption called Open Adoption. This is an arrangement in which the biological parents and the adoptive family know each other’s identities and choose to remain in contact after the adoption is finalized. This arrangement surprised us as we assumed that most adoptions were closed, sealed, and secret since that had been the prevailing practice for many years.

My wife and I had a lot of difficulty becoming parents. We had multiple miscarriages and ended up going the IVF route. When this finally, worked, our little girl was born at 25 weeks and 5 days and 1lbs and 14.5oz.

As such, when we wanted another child, we were very interested in going the adoption route. We had our concerns including but not limited to would we feel the same about our adopted child as we did our daughter, what is the family medical history like, would the baby be healthy, will the baby ever want to leave us and go back to their birth parents when they get older?

I thank God every day for our birthmother. 

As a 17 year old high school senior, Dawn was an impressive girl; wise for her years, strong in her convictions, and very courageous. And she had chosen us. She had gotten pregnant on a one-night stand on New Years’ Eve, so marrying the boy was not an option for her. 

After 10 years of marriage, we had everything we could possible have wanted in the material world (wish now we had put more into our retirement accounts!): plenty of money, good jobs, multiple homes, jewelry, vacations, cars, even a plane. There was something missing in our lives and I’m sure you have guessed that it was children.

I was married for six years before we were blessed with our first child, Maureen. Two years later, our second reception of life's generosity was a boy, Patrick.

I used to think that if you wanted children, you could have them. Just a simple choice you made. I was vaguely aware that my parents had trouble conceiving and my grandmother had a miscarriage. I just hadn’t yet experienced the complex emotions surrounding new life; both for those who didn’t intend to create it and for those who want to, but can’t.

It all began early one September day as school was starting and the school district I was working in was dealing with staffing cuts, budget cuts, and poor morale.  I had only been the Business Manager not quite a year at the time. Sometime in the late morning, the Public Relations Officer came into my office and closed the door. It seemed I was not going to like the information she had to share…this is how she started.

We have adopted two children, in two entirely unique situations. Both times, we have been so grateful that the birth moms chose to carry their pregnancies to term and to opt for adoption. We have open adoptions with both and are able to interact within these 'extended' families.

We adopted our son Neko as an infant. We have had an incredible relationship with his birth family including his paternal grandmother. She has also become a part of our family with regular visits and interaction with our family.